When a marriage comes to an end, no matter how long it lasted, it can be a very difficult time for all involved. Often times the healing that occurs after a divorce can feel just as stressful as the divorce itself. One may wish for what used to be, one may choose to harbor resentment towards their ex-spouse or one may replay the failed relationship over and over again their minds to attempt to figure out why the marriage ended.
Healing after a divorce is certainly a process that is different for each person. Jennifer Twardoski, a relationship coach and blogger for The Huffington Post, offers some things to keep in mind when healing after a divorce:
- Healing takes time and patience. The length of time it takes one to heal can be days, months or years. For others, they may never truly fully heal. Be compassionate with yourself and give yourself the full amount of time you need to heal – do not base your period of healing off of what others have experienced.
- Analyzing and replaying what happened over and over again is not going to change anything or make you feel better. This is not healthy as you are remaining attached to your suffering, which keeps you out of the present. You can get worn down physically as you put yourself through the grieving process over and over again.
- Forgiveness is key. Forgive not only your ex-spouse, but yourself. Even if you feel you are not able to do so, simply saying out loud “I forgive you”, despite whether or not you mean it, will aid in your healing process.
- No relationship fully ends – it just changes form. Even though you are no longer married to your ex-spouse, the relationship doesn’t end. It has, at one time, existed and therefore continues to impact your life. If you have children with ex-spouse, you will continue to forever have a relationship with them. It will just be in a different form. When you come to accept the new state of the relationship, the healing can begin.
Cynthia H. Clark & Associates, LLC is an Annapolis-based family law firm serving clients throughout the state of Maryland. If you and your spouse are considering a divorce, please contact our firm to reserve a consultation time at our office.